I am the type of person who might have a really bad tension headache and then give myself a panic attack thinking that I might have a brain tumour. I worry about my health even though I am (relatively) fit and healthy. It’s crazy.

I just found a CanTeen newsletter from 2007 and saw my friend’s name published under the Remembrance section of the newsletter for patients who had lost their cancer battle. And it made me sad and I had a cry at the thought this year will have marked 4 years since we buried him, but it also reminded me that I am wasting time worrying about things that have not yet happened. I don’t have a tumour but worrying about it will probably bring one on instead of just breathing and being grateful of my health and all the things I have done so far in my life. Sometimes I can be so self-centred but tonight was a good grounding session. I miss Sammy and must admit that I probably don’t think about him as much as I should these days, but when I do, I send him light and love and I remind myself that he didnt even get a chance to celebrate his 21st birthday and that being in my mid 20’s is actually a blessing and a milestone compared to some.

packing my bags and putting my heart on a plane this time next week to the other side of the world. please *person in the sky overseeing everything*, let this work